And so the twilight of my suffering is finally moving into the dawn of a grand new beginning. The greatest of my desires will finally be granted as “have-nots” turn into “haves.” Yes, you guessed correctly, I am turning 21.
The milestone birthday of my being so far is a scant four days away and I have already counted the ways in which my life will change due to legally being able to buy and imbibe alcohol. From what I have gathered, my grades will drop, my bank account will soon be empty, a nice beer belly will creep its way onto my torso and . . . wait, why exactly am I excited about turning 21?
The 21st birthday has been ingrained in American youth as the end-all-be-all, greatest event of your existence. The celebration is expected to include but is not limited to: drinking, drinking until everything becomes blurry, drinking until you can’t remember where you are, drinking until that homeless guy outside looks pretty cute and maybe a little more drinking after that. “You have no choice,” I have been warned by friends, “You’re going to get plastered and you’re going to like it!”
I am in no way against enjoying alcoholic beverages when of legal age. I am, however, against spending the majority of my first 24 hours as a 21-year-old either in such a state of incomprehension that a Mike Tyson-esque face tattoo seems like a good idea or producing a rainbow stream of Jell-O shots and partially digested Funfetti cake out from mouth and &- hopefully &-&- into a toilet. In order to avoid this fate, I decided to undertake thorough and exhaustive research on “how to have fun on your 21st birthday without drinking” by capably typing in that exact phrase in quotes on Google. The search engine helpfully informed me that there were “no results found.”
If I am to abide by my life motto of WWGD &-&-What Would Google Do? &-&- I guess it means I have to drink on my 21st birthday. Going out to a bar or club on your 21st is considered a rite of passage in this country so I do not want to miss out on this cultural ritual in which so many fellow college students partake. This also led me to wonder why such a huge emphasis is placed on this specific birthday. I feel as if family and friends are making a much bigger deal about this than when I turned 13 and was officially a teenager, or 14 and officially of marrying age in Texas or even 18 when I legally became an adult. No, all of these birthdays seemed to pale in comparison to the importance placed on my pending birthday.
Drinking is the last forbidden bastion of adulthood that I have yet been allowed to tear down. When I was younger, beer, wine and liquor were known as “grown-up drinks” and for the past 20 years it feels as if I am still stuck at that kids table, alcohol being my last obstacle to officially getting to sit with the adults. I am about to graduate from the sippy cup to the wine glass. It is therefore ironic that so many people celebrate this official initiation into adulthood by acting so immaturely.
As children we are promised greater amounts of responsibility the older we get, so why is it not expected of us to drink responsibly when we turn 21? I have been instructed to down 21 shots this Monday, yet I know for a fact that my dad was not doing 57 shots on his last birthday. Granted, my father is also not suicidal, but my point is recklessly shoveling dangerous quantities of alcohol down our throats is simply not behavior our society expects of its mature members.
This March 29, I plan on finding a happy medium. I am not going to self-righteously deny all alcohol, but I am also not going to drink until I become blasted, loaded, hammered, sauced, three-sheets-to-the-wind or whatever your favorite euphemism may be. I think the perfect amount to drink lands me somewhere after my dancing beginning to improve immensely but before I decide to start singing Alanis Morissette at the top of my lungs (“You Oughta Know” that’s a bad idea). I am excited to legitimately move into adulthood and I want this transition to go as smoothly and as drama-free as possible. So, to all of you who have yet to turn 21, please take my advice and be safe when you do and until then all I have to say is: Have fun NOT being able to get into bars, kiddies!
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